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According to the National Association of School Psychologists, one in seven school children – that’s nearly five million kids – has been a bully or a victim of a bully. The costs of this situation are enormous. Children who experience frequent bullying may become depressed or fearful. They may even lose interest in going to school.
 Before you can take steps to protect your child, you need to understand just what bullying is and why some kids tend to get picked on more than others. Bullying is defined as any kind of ongoing physical or verbal mistreatment where there is an imbalance of power, usually a bigger, older child picking on a smaller, younger child. Bullying is a game of one-upmanship. Bullies don’t want to solve problems, bullies want power.
Bullies tend to target children who for some reason appear vulnerable. Victims usually are passive, anxious, sensitive or quiet. Victims also tend to stand out in some way – they may be taller or shorter, overweight, wear braces or have a physical disability. Children who seek negative attention from peers also tend to be targets for bullies.
Here are some ways to help your child cope with bullying:
- Teach self-respect. A confident child is less likely to become the victim of a bully. Giving consistent positive feedback, attention and unconditional love will help you raise a confident child.
- Let your child know it’s OK to express anger or dissatisfaction. Encourage your child to express anger in a positive way and to assert his or her independence. Teach and model behaviors that demonstrate the difference between expressing anger and being abusive or disrespectful.
- Encourage friendships. Children who are loners tend to be more vulnerable to bullies. Help your child develop friendships and build social skills as early as possible. Encourage activities that will help your child succeed.
- Teach your child to express himself or herself clearly and diplomatically. Model successful and appropriate communication skills for your child. Talk about your feelings and thoughts, and make sure your child knows how to ask for what he or she wants.
- Ask questions. Many children who are bullied are too embarrassed or scared to talk about the experience. Be involved in and keep yourself informed about your child’s day-to-day activities. Not only will you know what is going on, but this will increase you child’s willingness to confide in you.
- Encourage positive self-talk during difficult times. Teach children they have an incredible amount of power in the thoughts they choose. This will help them in all areas of their lives. When they are feeling picked on they may repeat positive statements to themselves. For example, "What they are saying is not true. I am strong on the inside. It’s OK to be different."
- Don’t fight with fire. Don’t encourage your child to fight the bully. Revenge teaches a child to use violence to solve problems and does not encourage dignity in any person.
- Asking for help is OK. Our culture has taught our children, especially boys, that asking for help is a sign of weakness. Reinforce the idea that this isn’t the case when it comes to bullies. Clearly define what bullying behavior is and teach your child that asking for help in these situations is not "tattling."
- "Never let them see you sweat." A child who is visibly anxious or who tends to wear his or her heart on his or her sleeve lets the bully know his or her tactics are working. At times, it may be important for your child not to let a bully see that he or she is upset or scared. This tactic goes against the grain of what we typically try to convey to our children, but because bullies get their power and payoff by provoking emotional responses from their victims, this will help put your child in control.
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